Current location:	Freakmont
Current mood:	dying
Current music:	Spongebob theme music

Continuous from the last entry posted....

Well, lately I can't stand myself. The last few nights I've been crying over absolutley nothing, and my cutting is back; full throttle. I can't stop it anymore. My world is spirailing into a big black hole. I guess all the emotion I held in through Bailey and Shadox's deaths is all coming back to haunt me now. Tearing me apart from the inside out. Burning me alive. I don't know if I'll be able to get through this. Sure, M will help me as much as she can, but there are some things that best friends just CAN'T fix, ya know? I know she loves me, just like I know everyone who really knows the REAL me loves me, but I don't know if i can continue to make them happy by living. I feel like just fading away into the near distance and hoping to never ever return. That maybe life will just go on, as I know it will when I'm really gone, and that everyone will eventually forget about me. It's just a never ending circle. Hurting, easing, hurting and easing. And the pain from my abuse ceases to cease. Always returning, falshbacks, nightmares, dreams from the past. The rape is ALWAYS fresh in my mind, and never really leaves my thoughts. What if it happens again? What if he gets drunk again? What if, what if?!?!?! 
Maybe because of all of this, I'll never really be able to get along with my life, or at least not normally... 
Well, I'm going to go to the movies with my mom, my best friend and her mom, and try to pretend to be happy... 
~♥~
Rainebow